The IAAF, world athletics’ governing body, has today announced that it will be changing the rules in some sprint events to make it easier for Usain Bolt to win.
The news follows the Jamaican athlete’s recent disqualification from the world 100m championships final, where Bolt was judged to have false-started. The proposed rule changes involve the abolition of the false start rule for any athlete ranked in the world top 10, giving byes to the final for anyone whose first name begins with the letter ‘U,’ as well as the option of a head start for anyone who has broken 9.6 seconds before.
Lord Sebastian Coe, vice president of the IAAF, said in today’s press conference: “It is morally wrong that someone with such an enormous, er, reputation, should have to suffer the indignity of disqualification for an offence as minor as starting five seconds before everyone else.” The former Olympic champion also told the world’s press that “It would be a real tragedy if Bolt were not to win the 100m, 200m, 400m, relay and long jump at my, sorry, London’s Olympics next year.” Coe also added, bizarrely “When can I be Prime Minister? This microphone is off, right?”
The new rules are not without critics, however. Several leading newspapers such as the Views of the World and the Daily Male have questioned the fairness of the rule changes. Meanwhile, a group of athletes is planning legal action against the IAAF. The group will be led by Bolt’s compatriot Asafa Powell, who told reporters “I really want to win this case. Oh, and a major championships too.”
Bolt himself was unavailable for comment on the matter, and was last seen eating chicken nuggets in a South Korean branch of McDonalds.
The track we train at on a Tuesday evening is full of quality athletes. National champions, world championships contenders, top cross country athletes, the lot. And how they show us up. It is not uncommon for someone doing exactly the same rep as you to start well after you and finish before you. Stepping subserviently out in to lane two is common practice. Lane three even feels the pounding of my feet when they train in big groups. Just when you think you’re working hard you will get passed by someone who seems to be bouncing effortlessly from left foot to right, making a mockery of your lousy 70 second laps. Occasionally you try to latch on to a group, then regret having deemed yourself worthy of the group’s company as you fall dejectedly off the back of it.
And yet this humiliation to which we regularly subject ourselves does us some good. It is helpful to be reminded that there are people who are much better than you. In my case, this spurs me on and makes me strive for improvement. I know what a good athlete is, and just as importantly I know that I am not one. The moment you start thinking you’re good is the moment you lose the urge to get better.
But how many of the athletes flying effortlessly past me on a Tuesday are thinking exactly the same thing? I suspect quite a few. Of course, they are comparing themselves to a different class of athlete, but probably still need the sense of inadequacy to motivate themselves. A 14 minute 5000m runner will always show me a clean pair of heels on the track, but will no doubt remind himself that there are men in the world who can lap him. A friend of mine always says that a good athlete should be embarrassed by his PBs, that you should feel uncomfortable when someone asks you what you do for 10k. Perhaps my internal dialogue should follow along these lines: Over 15 minutes for 5k? Why do you bother? More than 70 minutes for a half? A good athlete has showered and had breakfast by the time 70 minutes comes around. A 2:44 marathon, and you still show your face in public?
So runners of the world, without so much as a smirk on my face I tell you this: You should be ashamed of your times, you are not as good as you think you are, there are many people better than you and the only way you can change this is to work harder.
Something tells me I won’t be getting hired as a motivational speaker any time soon.
Geezers need excitement. If their lives don’t provide them that they incite violence. Common sense. Simple common sense. – The Streets, Geezers Need Excitement
Mike Skinner (aka The Streets) is a talented musician, lyricist and poet but this lyric from nearly a decade ago seems strangely prophetic against the backdrop of the recent riots that have plagued England’s cities.
But wait; this is neither a music blog nor a politics blog, so why the focus on recent events? Well it is simple. Young people riot because they are bored. They riot because they lead unfulfilling lives. They riot because they are full of anger and unexpended energy. Now I appreciate that to say such things is to oversimply the incredibly complex set of conditions that caused the riots, and without trying to wash over the deep rooted social issues this nation faces at present, it is fair to say that today’s youth simply aren’t active enough.
I work as a teacher in a secondary school with a highly trained and hard working PE department who do a great job at motivating pupils and keeping them fit. But there just isn’t enough time allocated to it on the pupils’ timetables. Some pupils will always misbehave, lose focus and cause trouble, and I am not foolish enough to assert that a few laps of the athletics track would suddenly change this. However, most misbehaviour I witness stems from boredom and unspent energy manifesting itself in the classroom.
So here’s my suggestion. Every morning before lessons start, pupils do 45 to 60 minutes of a sport of their choice. It doesn’t even have to be the conventional football, rugby, hockey or netball. Why not offer others? Dance, aerobics, boxing (yes, I see the irony here), cycling and table tennis spring to mind. They then get changed and go to their lessons refreshed and focused. Schools could then be free to offer more structured and competitive sporting options after school or in PE lessons.
The positive effects of this would be twofold.
Firstly, the simple fact that children are active means that they are expending energy on something positive and don’t have much left for illegal and antisocial activities (smashing up the Adidas store and taking what they fancy, for instance). It also instills healthy habits in children from a young age, making healthier adults who contribute more to, and take less from society.
Secondly, a more subtle point. Namely that many young people suffer from a staggering lack of self esteem and confidence. I am convinced that a large number of those out on the streets of Manchester, Birmingham and London this week were young people lacking a purpose, a direction and a sense of worth. Learning and succeeding in a sport can help to change this. Not everyone taking part in sport has to become a world-class sportsman, but every young person should be made to feel like they have achieved something.